None of Them Wanna Pay Taxes Again

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Quotes

• Truman : And so what's the verdict?

  Harry Stamper : They'll exercise it. They've fabricated a few requests though.

  Truman : Such as?

  Harry Stamper : [riffles through sheets of paper] Well, there'due south uh, few things here, uh... nothin' really big, uh, just- Well, as an example, uh, uh, Oscar hither, he'southward got some outstanding parking tickets. Wants them wiped off his record.

  Oscar : [shouting from balustrade] Fifty-six tickets in 7 states...

  Harry Stamper : [to Oscar] I'll-I'll tell 'em Oscar, yous got information technology.

  Oscar : Okay.

  Harry Stamper : Uh, Noonan's got 2 women friends that he'd like to see made American citizens no questions asked. Max would like y'all to... bring back eight-rail tapes. Not certain if that's gonna work, but, uh, permit'southward run across what else. Um, Chick wants a full week's Emperor's Bundle at Caesar's Palace. Um - hey, y'all guys wouldn't be able to tell us who really killed Kennedy, would ya?

  [interruption, turns and shakes his caput]

  Harry Stamper : Um, Bear would like to stay at the...

  [tries to read writing]

  Harry Stamper : "White horse"?

  [looks upward at Bear]

  Bear : White, *Firm*. White Firm.

  Harry Stamper : White Business firm. Yeah, he'd like to stay in the Lincoln chamber of the White Business firm for the summer. Stuff similar that.

  Truman : Sure, I think we tin, uh, have care of... some of that.

  Rockhound : [shouting from balcony] Harry!

  Harry Stamper : [motions back at Rockhound] Yeah one more thing, um... none of them wanna pay taxes once more.

  [pauses]

  Harry Stamper : Always.

• Rockhound : You know we're sitting on four meg pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has 270,000 moving parts congenital by the lowest bidder. Makes you experience good, doesn't it?

• Grace Stamper : First fourth dimension I got my period, Stone had to take me into Tai-Pei for Tampax. And then he had to show me how to use them, Harry.

  [off Harry's stern await]

  Rockhound : Ho-ho. I ju- No I-I told her how to use it. I didn't testify her, Harry.

• Rockhound : We're in segment 202, lateral filigree nine, site 15H32 - give or take a few yards. Captain America here blew the landing by 26 miles!

  Colonel William Sharp : How the hell do yous know that?

  Rockhound : Considering I'm a genius.

  Watts : The gauges will not read; they're all peaked like we're plugged into some magnetic field

  Rockhound : [sarcastically] Well, who on the spaceship wants to know why?

  Gruber, Munitions Specialist : By all means.

  Rockhound : The reason we were shooting for grid 8 was because thermographics indicated that grid 9 was compressed iron ferrite. Which means you landed us on a goddamn iron plate!

• Colonel William Sharp : [In response to Rockhound riding the nuclear warhead] Get off... the nuclear... warhead.

  Rockhound : I was doing that guy from that movie, you know, Slim Pickens, where he rides it all the way in, the nuclear warhead.

  Colonel William Sharp : At present.

  Rockhound : Oh, you didn't run into that 1, huh?

• Harry Stamper : None of yous accept to go. We can all just sit here on Earth, expect for this big rock to crash into it, kill everything and everybody nosotros know. United states of america government just asked u.s.a. to save the globe. Anybody wanna say no?

  Chick : 20 years. Haven't turned you down once. Not about to start now. I'm there.

  Freddy Noonan : Judge I can't let you go up there alone.

  Bear : I'one thousand with you.

  Oscar : Man, this is - this is historic. Guys, this is, like, deep blue hero stuff! Of course I'm in.

  Rockhound : While I don't share *his* enthusiasm, you lot know me. Axle me upward, Scotty!

  Harry Stamper : You lot all correct, Max?

  Max : I-I don't, I-I don't... Whatever you think.

  Harry Stamper : [to A.J] How most you?

  A.J. : I'grand in.

  Harry Stamper : All right and so. Nosotros become.

  Rockhound : I don't mean to be the materialistic weasel of this group, just do you lot recall nosotros'll get hazard pay out of this?

• [Rockhound is duct taped downwardly inside the spaceship to keep him out of trouble]

  Rockhound : Only tryin' to have some fun before I died!

• Rockhound : Y'all wanna compare brainpans? I won the Westinghouse prize when I was 12, large deal. Published at 19, so what. I got a double doctorate from MIT at 22, Chemistry and Geology. I taught at Princton for two and a half years.

• Watts : [showing a video] Neil Armstrong, 1969, bouncing on the moon. He's bouncing because there'southward less gravity upward there than on Globe. This will be like to the asteroid. So, sentry it. Something gets launched off that asteroid with enough force, it'south gonna keep on going, right into outer space.

  Oscar : [to Behave] What is the bargain? Is information technology just me, or is Watts really hot?

  Bear : [nods] Aye.

  Watts : So we have these new generation suits. With directional accelerant thrusters. Y'all won't bounce like Neil Armstrong.

  [seeing that Comport is not paying attention]

  Watts : Conduct!

  Bear : Yes?

  Watts : Do we accept a problem?

  Behave : No.

  Watts : 'Crusade I'thousand trying to describe to you lot how these DATs go on your ass on the ground, so that if I were to kicking you in the balls, and you don't know how to piece of work them, what happens to y'all?

  Bear : I bladder away.

  Watts : Yeah.

  Rockhound : When do nosotros outset training for THAT?

• Rockhound : What does that mean?

  Colonel William Sharp : It ways we've got a busted ship.

  Rockhound : A busted ship? And I'm strapped in here? I had a groovy spot picked out there!

• Rockhound : God, I hate knowing everything.

• Rockhound : Yeah, I remember this one. It's where the, uh, the coyote saturday his ass down in a slingshot then he strapped himself to an Height rocket. Is that - is that what we're doin' here?

  Harry Stamper : [under his breath] Rockhound.

  Rockhound : No, no, actually, because it didn't work out besides well for the coyote, Harry.

  Harry Stamper : [talking over him] Hey, Rock. Knock information technology off.

  Truman : Well, actually, we take a lot better rockets than the coyote.

• Rockhound : Judge what guys, it'southward time to embrace the horror! Look, we've got front row tickets to the end of the earth!

• Rockhound : Just wanted to feel the power betwixt my legs, brother.

• Colonel William Sharp : It takes ii people to fly this thing. Either we all stay and die, or yous guys draw straws.

  Rockhound : I say we all stay and die.

  [break, everyone looks at Rockhound]

  Rockhound : But that's me.

  AJ : I'll describe. Let'south draw.

  Harry : Nobody's gonna draw straws. I'll stay and accept care of it.

  Chick : Well, I tin't alive with that sort of thing.

  Lev Andropov : Nobody asked you if you could live with information technology, all correct?

  Lev Andropov : Bullshit! No fashion I will let y'all volunteer for this, and so I can become back to my home land like the man who did non volunteer! No way!

  Behave : Hey homo, permit'southward draw, and let's come across who's gonna stay upwardly here and trip the light fantastic.

  Rockhound : Hey guys? I-I know you guys call back I'one thousand crazy right now but, I would really like this responsibility.

  Harry : All right. All right.

  Rockhound : I tin do it!

  Harry : Let's just draw straws and become it over with. Come up on.

  Chick : I ain't drawin' confronting you, Harry.

  Harry : Well, I'm gonna draw against you Chick, and then you better but get ahead and do it.

  [They draw straws]

  Chick : Just gimme this thing.

  Lev Andropov : [Lev looks at the straw he has drawn] Is this skillful, or bad?

  [A.J. has drawn the brusk straw]

  AJ : Oh human being. Well, we all gotta die right? I'grand the guy who gets to exercise it saving the globe.

• Chick : I never told anybody this before, but I hate flyin'. Then it would be an awful shame to die now.

  Rockhound : That's like shooting fish in a barrel for you to say. I owe 100 thousand to a fat-donkey loan shark which I spent on a stripper named Molly Mounds.

  Chick : Male child, that's bad.

• Rockhound : [after getting off the nuclear warhead] Hey Abrupt! No nukes! No nukes! No nukes!

  Harry Stamper : [Harry turns to Sharp] Y'all got any more than bullets in that gun, Sharp?

• F.B.I. Agent : We accept a national security matter.

  Rockhound : Expert for y'all.

• Rockhound : Okay, Cyclops Lady'south starting to bug me.

• [getting arrested by a policeman after a strip guild brawl]

  Rockhound : You are SO messin' with national security right at present, human being! Yous are FIRED tomorrow morning time, I'm tellin' ya! I'll get the CIA and the FBI, you lot'll be workin' security at Toys R' Us!

• Max : Something's wrong.

  Rockhound : Yeah, it'south all wrong, human being. We shouldn't fifty-fifty be up here.

• Rockhound : [later on stepping onto the asteroid] This identify is like Dr. Seuss'due south worst nightmare!

• Rockhound : Why do I practise this? Because the money'southward good, the scenery changes and they let me use explosives, okay?

• Rockhound : It'due south a god damn Greek tragedy!

• Rockhound : Hey. guys, remember: we're, nosotros're heroes now, so that incident with me and the gun on the asteroid. Let's keep that under wraps, all correct ?

• Rockhound : We are staying or going, staying or going. Come on, pick upward your minds!

• Rockhound : Wow. Got a peachy view of the Earth from here. Too bad we'll never fix foot on her again.

• Rockhound : Harry, this is illegal man.

  Harry Stamper : I'chiliad temporarily insane, Rock, it's all right.

• Rockhound : [leafing through the Rorschach inkblots] Woman with large breasts... woman with medium breasts...

• [military guys are talking to Harry]

  Rockhound : Harry!

  Harry Stamper : What?

  Rockhound : Human, I swear to God, she never told me her historic period.

  Harry Stamper : It's all right, relax. It's about me.

  Rockhound : Oh.

  [to military machine guys]

  Rockhound : Forget information technology!

• Rockhound : [still looking through Rorschach inkblots; to the male psychologist] This one looks like yous... *with* breasts.

• Rockhound : Hey, guys, call back: nosotros're, we're heroes now, so that incident with me and the gun on the asteroid. Allow's keep that under wraps, all right ?

• Rockhound : Come on. We're stayin', we're goin'. Nosotros're stayin', nosotros're goin'. Make upwardly your minds.

• Rockhound : This is so much fun, it's freaky!

• Rockhound : Well it's about time, I haven't thrown upwards in about an 60 minutes.

• Vinnie the loanshark : This is a pretty big loan. Why don't you count the cash?

  Rockhound : Nah, this feels similar a hundred grand to me.

  Vinnie the loanshark : I'm giving you this for 60%, I hope you know what yous're doing, because I'll bosom your caput with a sledgehammer.

  Rockhound : [smiling] Y'all'll become your money dorsum!

  Vinnie the loanshark : You don't look besides healthy, you're not gonna die on me are you?

  Rockhound : Let's just say no more than y'all are.

  [laughs]

  Rockhound : Thanks Vic!

• Rockhound : Wow, this is a goddamn Greek tragedy.

• Colonel William Precipitous : Houston, we accept no fire,

  Rockhound : What's that hateful?

  Colonel William Abrupt : It means we got a disrepair ship.

  Rockhound : A busted ship? And I'm strapped in here. I had a great spot picked out there.

• Biker Customer : [Seeing Rockhound and the rest of the gang with all of the women] Who the hell do you think y'all guys are? You're hoggin' all the activity.

  Freddy Noonan : Hey pinhead, why don't you go find your ain party.

  Biker Client : Why don't you share the wealth, pal.

  Rockhound : [Tosses the biker a 100 dollar nib] Here, y'all can buy yourself a neck.

  Max : Hey, Mr. Clean.

  [the Biker grabs Rockhound by the shirt and Max hits the biker over the head with a glass bottle and a fight ensues]

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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120591/characters/nm0000114